As Featured on Tova Leigh's Blog: My Thoughts ABout StuffWe feel it. Baby fever. A friend has a baby, and we simply get one whiff of that new baby smell and it hits us like a train. We want another baby. The thoughts and feelings of being a parent to a newborn surround us like a nice warm blanket. However, once we announce our intentions, people are quick to break down our need. You want another one? Haven't you learned enough from your other child? Why would you want to roll the dice again? You might get another child like your first. That's too much. That's a bad idea. Your genes are clearly defective.
One DISABILITY does not equal AnotherIf you happen to be a special needs parent, you know the fear. What if this is the only kind of child I produce? I have similar thoughts myself. I have two children, with vastly different disabilities. What are the chances of that, if I had correct reproductive genes? No matter how rare, or unlikely doctors say it is for us to conceive another child like Seamus, we worry. Of course! You don't go through this journey without realizing that chances of having a disabled child rest with each expectant mother. Each pregnancy in the world holds the chance to producing a child with some kind of disability or illness. Why are we so much harder on the parents who've already had their disabled child? To all the naysayers of continuing clearly "damaged" DNA strands, I can say that I once believed similarly. I once thought it wasn't right to keep breeding if disabilities ran in families. Why make more suffer? Why keep producing more of "their" kind into the world? That was from the mind of a sixteen year old girl who didn't realize that by believing such notions, I was in turn fostering the mindset that handicapped or disabled people didn't have lives worth living. They shouldn't be alive because they cannot be perfect. Truthfully, babies are not born perfect. Not a single one. Parents may believe so, because we love them. None are born perfect, without problems, never to suffer from a single thing. That is an unlikely rarity. It is without saying that the human race is a small percentage without flaw. Reproduction is honestly the most miracle-believing thing I'll ever believe in. It takes such a small window to conceive children and even more difficult to continue to stay pregnant. We are not a perfect species! Not at all. To assume that being disabled or in some way, "different" is a mistake is a wrong assumption. We are not without flaws. Those of the special needs community know that we are a larger population than most believe. And we are going strong, sticking it out and dealing with our problems with grace. For example:The National Down Syndrome Society has statistics on their website that outline the chances of each age group birthing a child with Downs Syndrome. At 25 years old, a women has a 1 in 1,200 chance. At 35, it's 1 in 350. At 40, it's 1 in 100. At lastly, at age 49, chances of having a Down Syndrome child are 1 in 10. 6,000 babies every year are born with down syndromeThat's 1 in every 700 babies born. 360,000 babies approximately are born each day. Chances of having a child with down syndrome of ANY couple are quite possible. What's up with that?Every 4.5 minutes in the United Sates, a child is born with some kind of birth defect or disability. Every five minutes, another parent is joining the special needs community. As you've been reading this, another couple is becoming a special needs parent. They are being told the news, feeling the crushing weight of the future. Hearts are possibly being broken. Minds are confused. The chance that this could happen to any couple is very real. Having a special needs child isn't like a special ability. It isn't certain couples that only put out disabled babies. Many of us have additional children. Before or after a medically needy child, many special needs parents have neuro-typical, healthy children just like any other. Do we deserve any of the backlash that we receive? If there were anyone to have an additional child with special needs, who better equipped, seasoned and understanding than a parent with one already? Sure, we're busy. That isn't ever going to change. Children are so much more than their inabilities
If you're considering having another child...I will put this disclaimer on this post because it will ease my conscious. If you are a special needs parent considering having another child where it is likely that your child will be born with special needs, please consult a geneticist to assert risks and take additional prenatal testing when offered. Knowing beforehand can be a wonderful thing. Although those tests don't indicate everything, it can ease a much stressed mind of an expectant couple. Some disabilities can run in certain genes, such as recessive trait disorders like Cystic Fibrosis, Tay Sachs or Harlequin Itchinosis. Remember to follow on both fronts on INSTAGRAM, facebook and our blog!
1 Comment
Elizabeth Phillipich
2/9/2022 08:01:28 pm
Thank you for this
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AuthorGabrielle Rae is a special needs, stay at home mommy of two boys. She enjoys reading and writing novels in her spare time. @onbothfrontsArchives
August 2018
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