This post isn't geared solely to parents of special needs parents, though that may be what I usually focus on. All people from all walks of life are overworked, over rushed and overwhelmed. It's the curse of the modern age. Being a parent in this wild world is becoming more and more of a challenge, like balancing on a tightrope with a knife on your nose and fire below you. Like the fall wasn't enough to kill you. I often feel like I'm walking on the tight rope as a parent. As a person. My kid's challenges weigh on my shoulders, as do my own struggles. I have a home to care for, and a relationship to keep alive. One slip and I fall into the fires of life altering debt, single parenthood, the judges of society, and a depression so deep that I might never come out of. However, I changed things around for myself. The tightrope isn't so thin. I found out that there are things I can do to make myself take a step back and enjoy my life on tight rope. being where you're at in life is okayWe can't have it all at once. Though we may be ingrained to believe if you work hard enough you can have it all, but sometimes all of it isn't what we need. It isn't what you can handle. If you're falling apart at the seams because you can't balance work, kids, marriage/relationship/dating, exercising, keeping the house clean, getting some alone time and PTA, stop. Just stop. You don't have to do everything! Admitting where you are at in life is just a part of life. A hard pill to swallow, yes, but necessary for your happiness. It's okay to not have a degree. It's okay to still be renting an apartment. It's okay to that you're single. Stop and enjoy the time. Enjoy the time that is passing you by, things that will never come back. Accept your limitations as ONE person. You're not measured by othersI've had moms message me on my Instagram (@onbothfronts) and ask how do I do it? Why am I so happy? I'm not accomplishing anything with my life with no career, no college degree, nothing that sets me apart from the crowd of everyone. They feel passed by. Their siblings graduated college and have careers and are setting the bar pretty far up. HOW DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING GREATNESS? Admittedly, it is hard to value yourself when it seems like everyone only values a career. It's extremely difficult when you feel that way yourself. But I can assure you, life has much more to offer than just work. There are other avenues that lead to success and contentment. Are you open to them? Because, bombshell! Parenting can make you happy. Staying at home with your children can make you feel extremely fulfilled. Even if you're friends are partying, or traveling, or making gains in their office, YOU can still be happy with yourself and your life choices if you let yourself. A person isn't measured for worth by another person. Life doesn't work that way. People are incredible in many different areas which is why there is such a wide array of things a person can do in the world. We're all different. We all choose different lives. We still matter. We still can be happy. Do you relax?Seriously, do you think go go go is good for you? Do you feel worse when you've got a jam packed schedule and barely have time to sleep? I'm guessing, probably not. I sure don't. What I do is take a break. Typically, it's during quiet time/nap. One kid naps. The other kid sits in his room and quietly plays. He doesn't have to sleep, sometimes he does, but not always. I still make him stay in his room and give me some quiet time of my own. I've wrote about this before, too. This quiet time is MY time. No laundry, no cleaning. Nothing stressful. Just me. I'll shower or watch an episode of my TV show or write my novels. Still, I find this isn't enough to bring me to a better place, mentally. I use Youtube. Youtube has a wide selection of meditation and ASMR videos that aid in relaxation and sleep. To call them magical would dampen their abilities because they are almost alien in their ability to make me relaxed! Once the house is quiet, I pop in my ear phones (always set an alarm when using ear buds; it's easy to become so relaxed that you fall asleep) and put on a ASMR video. At the bottom of this post, I'll link in my favorite videos along with a Youtube channel that I use for all my ASMR/relaxation needs. "Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is an experience characterised by a static-like or tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. It has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia. ASMR signifies the subjective experience of "low-grade euphoria" characterised by "a combination of positive feelings and a distinct static-like tingling sensation on the skin". It is most commonly triggered by specific acoustic, visual and digital media stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attentional control." - Wikipedia Meditation is also a great way to let your mind rest which is much harder than you think. Clearing my mind was such a challenge! I'd always find something to worry about or try to remind myself about or just thoughts about the day. It was impossible to shut my mind off and let me just feel the moment. I'd recommend guided meditation videos on Youtube for beginners. The guides can really help you check your mind and direct you how to clear the thoughts out. After that, you can just put on relaxing music and do your own thing. Little reminders go a long waySure, these things are lovely to read once in an article. They might even leave you feeling content for the rest of the day, but every day is a new day in the world of parenting, disabilities or just life in general. A stressful event, or a crabby baby, or sensory meltdown may just chime in at the right time to lose all those bubbly feelings you felt. This is when you need to remember these things the most. That is the time when taking a deep breath, and even walking away may be what's best. I have my own fair share of bad days. Check my Insta. It happens. Sometimes they are terrible and I get frustrated and get into a bad mood. I might even hate my life, for a little bit. But I try not to react. It's difficult not to. I'm not afraid to say it. I want to snap. I want to just be angry and hurt everyone around me because I'm so frustrated and feeling overwhelmed. Inside my head, I've made myself these little reminders. Any time I'm in a situation where my boy with autism acts up or does something totally infuriating I have this thought rise to my head where I ask myself, "Is it worth it to react the way I want to? What good will come of it?". Most of the time, my answers come back selfishly. My reactions are to make myself feel better, not make the behavior better. I instantly check myself into a state of realization that this is just a bad feeling that I have to work past, not get consumed in. In short, I LET THE BAD FEELINGS GO. Remind yourself that in the wake of a depression feeling, or bad mood, or frustration, that it is a fleeting feeling. It doesn't have to matter. You have the control over yourself. You always do! Recognize your power to shape yourself, and then see the effects it will have on everything else. It may seem like magic, but putting yourself in that control and choosing to be happy goes a long way. Thank you to everyone whose supported this blog and given me a thousand well-wishes and encouraging vibes throughout this time. It has truly touched my heart to learn of all the people I help. I'm glad to hear from everyone, and share our triumphs together. We've really taken a lot from this blog and the people who make it so wonderful. Please keep sharing our posts so that we might help more in need! Favorite ASMR
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AuthorGabrielle Rae is a special needs, stay at home mommy of two boys. She enjoys reading and writing novels in her spare time. @onbothfrontsArchives
August 2018
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