About a year ago when we started our potty training journey, Hilo was four and completely nonverbal at the time. He had his pictures, and pointed at things, but other than that, his ability to express himself was extremely limited and almost impossible to express through pictures. We chose to pursue a potty training therapy through a local autism center that specialized in care for the sensory needy and other delayed types. It didn't take. Recently, we went for round two, a more intensive version of the potty training therapy. This is when I realized how difficult it was for Hilo, even as a verbal child now, to understand feelings that we being asked of him. He hasn't ever had the words to know what those are, or to even ask and describe them. Honestly it felt like a failure on my own part. How come I didn't give my son the understanding, the explanation of what would be asked of him? Why did he have to discover it this way? Hilo was successfully potty trained, about four days ago. It was like a one day thing. They were scheduled for three days, came for two, truly only taught for one. It just clicked. Once he understood how to summon up that feeling to pee, he was golden (and heavily rewarded). But it doesn't always go this easy. Not by a long shot. Some kids struggle for years, and years, to understand. Some just aren't ready at the "typical" age for potty training. Now, I think there is absolutely no shame in having an older child not ready or not potty trained, but I know that it's frustrating to a lot of parents and caregivers who believe the it is more the lack of communication rather than the understanding of the concept. I've compiled tips from my OWN experience these days few days, and years of having a nonverbal child, along with other help that didn't apply to me but might help another family with the struggle. Social stories: Weird, but helpfulHilo didn't enjoy too many books when he was nonverbal until he got older and much more interested in speech, so when it came time to prepare, we sought out social stories to help explain (and demonstrate) what happens when we use the potty. Youtube videos are a great source, too. We didn't have any luck with finding American English videos that used our same words and all to make it really apply to us. A great resource was our therapists; they had access and experience with potty training language delayed children. They made these great stories with the Velcro pieces to make it interactive. Like: "A kitty goes pee and poop in the litter box" and you have a little cat on Velcro and you match it to its place on the litter box. We had one with a picture of My face and then Hilo's face to be matched on the story, too. the naked truthBefore Hilo was ever diagnosed, moms told me to start potty training by just taking off a diaper and letting them run around the house without a diaper on to catch. This is how a child might come to understand feelings they have in their body, and associate it to a certain thing like "You're peeing. See that? That's how you pee." Granted, this sounded like a hassle and a full few days of following around a child with a mop in hand. But it's always worth a try, because a diaper holds a lot of mystery for a child who doesn't understand. Taking it away might just acquaint them to themselves! encourage circumstanceIn the beginning, we were not making any progress with Hilo going pee on the toilet, no matter how much he drank. It was like he didn't know how, didn't understand what we wanted, or was scared. Either way, it was a standstill. Until I remembered that when we get into the bath, he always pees. We'd tried water sounds before, and they didn't work, so it had to be the warm water, right? Well we brought a storage container to sit on his lap, brought down some favorite super heroes and let them go swimming all while we sat on the potty. The warm water helped him get the urge, and without being able to get off the potty, he was forced to pee in the toilet and thus, get rewarded. Plan something similar with your little one. If this doesn't work, try pouring warm water across their lower abdomen while they sit on the toilet. The water falls straight down into the toilet so there is no mess, and it helps get a stronger urge to go pee when this happens. If this seems a bit too drastic for your little one, I'd say remove the diaper and start a bath and keep close. Once they start to go, move them to the potty chair or toilet, and reward them, encourage them, cheer them on when it happens. Truly, overdo it if it's a first time. This can help motivate them to repeat it. Getting Started
Provide plenty of pictures for communication! Hilo had a picture book at home that he would use, which had little pictures of multiple things, one of which was a toilet. We also had a picture of a toilet as a magnet on our dishwasher. There were other potty related ones too like, a toilet, yellow in a toilet bowl, a (non graphic) toilet with poop or a boy pooping, and a picture of underwear. Communication is the power when potty training, even with nonverbal kids. They need a way to express what they are feeling. Pictures are a usual way. Sign language is too. IF sign language is in the picture, start using these signs long before potty training. I'll post a video below with some starter signs. Start by using social stories and videos to explain the process and what is expected. I could tell from Hilo's potty training (as a verbal child) that he didn't understand what was being asked of him. We sat in 30 minute increments, with two minute breaks, until he finally peed on the potty. Once he went once, and was rewarded heavily, then it clicked for him. However, it was about two and half hours of being in the bathroom almost 100% of the time. It is quite a process, and dedicated time. Expect some aggression and behaviors around the time they have to go, either pee or poop. Hilo showed his behaviors like clockwork when it was his usual time to poop. Slapping, screaming, refusal. It was all there. It is important to keep them on the toilet, in the schedule, and follow up with calming environment. Give hugs. Comforting words, back massage or "tickles", music that is calming like meditation music on Youtube or relaxing nature sounds. There might be a lot of fear. That is totally normal. The change in environment, the change in position and the "put on display" attitude when potty training can be terrifying for a child that doesn't understand certain situations. Reward behaviors you want like a piece of candy for peeing (they recommend using non-edible rewards, but you do what you can do) and ignore the behaviors you don't like pooping in underwear. It can be difficult. Tensions get high during potty training, but accidents happen. They still happen for us. But we just clean it up (together) and let it go. This brings more of a highlight to the rewarded behavior than the negative attention over an accident. Parting thoughtsPotty training has nothing to do with intelligence. It doesn't mean you have a "dumb" kid if they potty train late. Potty training is about body control, and understanding sensations and muscles. Some bodies respond well. Some don't. So, don't feel down and discouraged when it doesn't click right away. It comes with time, maturity and more muscle control. It. takes. time. Believe me, this is the most frustrating part of potty training - I know it was for me! But the truth is, that you go through multiple stages of potty training: preparations (you and your child), using the toilet, peeing, pooping, nighttime training, holding it. These are all different concepts for a child to master. That it so much to cover, in like two days. Slow down, take your time, and be understanding of your child's abilities. It can take outside help. Whether it means you hire a company to do a potty training program ( I hired them twice!) or another family member there to help. It is draining, and requires supervision and mental concentration. If you have another child, that can disrupt the potty training and leave a mess for both children. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It will benefit everyone the better, including yourself!
Find help with occupational and speech therapists; they have many resources from PECS to sign language and experience with potty training other delayed children. Use their knowledge!
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AuthorGabrielle Rae is a special needs, stay at home mommy of two boys. She enjoys reading and writing novels in her spare time. @onbothfrontsArchives
August 2018
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